The Onion only wishes it was as outlandish as math! They had a spoof article about the new trig functions you now had to learn, but it turns out math is two steps ahead!
There are plenty of honest-to-goodness crazy trig functions you’ve probably never heard of. Everything from haversine to the unpronouncable excsc.
There’s a great blog post by Evelyn Lamb on the Scientific American website about these real life (if hardly ever used!) trig functions. Here are some on drawn on the unit circle: